I was fully aware that he had blond hair and blue eyes when I met him, obviously, but I didn't really understand what that meant until years later.One of the most difficult parts about being in an interracial relationship is the fact that I started to question things I never I questioned before.
I grew up in the predominantly white suburbs of upstate New York.One of my favorite things to do was to play with his hair.He would lie with his head in my lap, and I would run my fingers through the blond strands.Black women have told me it's because I'm a sellout.The white men who can get past the mental anguish of my black penis tarnishing "their" women think I'm making some latent admission that their race has the most attractive women... I'm not a "black man" who "dates white women." I'm a person.
After years and years of internalizing the beauty standard promoted all around me, I headed off to college with a low self-esteem and essentially no sense of self-worth.